Those of you in the horse world have seen them…those “horse for sale” ads and groups on Craig’s List and Facebook. Now, I don’t begrudge someone wanting to sell a horse, and possibly recoup a little of the money spent on raising or training one, but from what I’ve seen lately, I’d rather buy a goat. And, before ya go and get your undergarments in a giant wad, or your hinder in a binder, here’s an example of what appears to be an acceptable ad these days:
RANCH DISPERSAL SALE
‘Beautiful Brood Mare Prospect’ 10 years old sorta broke registered American Quarter Horse grade paint brood mare with one eyeball, accidentally bred to my neighbor’s jack donkey through the fence. Bloodlines are amazing triple bred Doc Bar on sire’s side but the dam mighta been out of the great bronc, Lunatic Fringe. She appears to be built for speed, but only when I try to catch her out of the 40 acre pasture, but most of the time she’s real friendly and you can catch her pert near anywhere with a grain bucket. She’s pretty good with three of her feet, but that left hind is kinda a bitch. She might take your head off. She’s a little toed in, and spavin hocked, but her teeth are good. She may make a real nice barrel horse if you give her a 200 foot by 400 foot arena to turn her in. Only asking $10,000 or best offer, but to a good home only.
’16 Year Old Seasoned Head Horse’ He’s a little stiff in the morning, but hell, what guy worth a plug nickel ain’t? Appears to loosen up after stumbling a few laps around the the arena or 2o minutes of ground work. He needs a little extra padding on them whithers and every month or so needs some cortisone injections, but he likes the vet. He hates dogs, but would probably make a good “husband horse”. I do believe John Wayne learned to rope off him. He ground ties, trips into the trailer, and sleeps standing up. He’s safe for most folks, but occasionally spooks at his own farts. He’s a steal at only $15,000. Won’t last long.
‘4 Year Old Green Broke Roping/Hunter/Jumper Prospect’ Nice tall boy. About 16H, a little narrow chested, but will grow. Has one testicle left but seems real calm and quiet. Started him hunting and packing last fall. That’s how we found out he’s a jumper. Had him at the pack out corrals and he jumped the 8ft fence to flirt with the neighbor’s mare. Once we caught him and had him tracking on some elk, he spooked when we shot the rifle, and we got to spend the rest of our time hunting him. Brought him home and put him to work ranching, because we’re real ranchy punching cows and stuff. Threw a loop off him and he seemed to settle in real well until I realized I pantyhosed the calf, pissed off the mama cow, and ran the rope up under his tail. He bucked just a little and cow kicked at me as I went off, but he just needs a little more ground work I think. He’s gotta go though, cause I got some hospital bills to pay. Only asking $14,500. That should about cover the doc’s bills.
After all that… who needs a horse? Y’all be careful horse swappin’ out there… As for me, I’ma gonna buy me a goat…